


At least I didn’t die alone

by X3030



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Memory Loss, Not a ship fic, Platonic Relationships, Scars, Self-Indulgent, Suicide, This is entirely platonic, again there’s suicide be warned, i made this because I wanted to do fanart but couldn’t so I wrote instead, i might add more chapters, youll see how
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/X3030/pseuds/X3030
Summary: After Tommy is exiled his mental health deteriorates fast. What happens when he finally can’t take it anymore? What happens when Tubbo’s too late to save his dear best friend?
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 25
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m trash at summaries but trust me the story is good (I hope) :3 also if either of the cc’s say they’re uncomfortable with this work or works of this nature I will take it down. This is entirely self indulgent and I wrote this because I couldn’t draw fanart the way I wanted to and resorted to writing instead. Comments are always appreciated

The pain was almost unbearable. It had been so long since he’d had someone to talk to. Someone who cared and who wasn’t there to take his armor everyday and tell him no one loved him. The tears came as he stood on the ashy netherrack under his feet, staring into the bright lava gradually growing blurry. 

He’d thought about it so much, how easy it would be to jump and end it all in the agonizing pool of heat. The lava enticed him everyday, welcoming him and he’d only been able to fend it off with the thought of Tubbo. Now with no hope of ever going back to lmanburg and seeing his best friend again, his heart aches with the fact that he must end it all now. He just can’t bear to do it any longer.

The tears fall and fall, they evaporate almost immediately when the hit the ground from the sheer heat of the nether. He pulls the compass that Wilbur- no, not Wilbur, ghostbur had given him to know where Tubbo was at all times. He allows himself a light smile as he stares down at it, the cool metal against his palm grounding him to the earth he was soon to leave. He wished he could see Tubbo one more time as he brought the compass to his chest.

He turned one last longing glance to the glowing portal behind him before stepping up to the edge. There was a ghast floating a ways over the lava and striders ferrying across the molten lake. It was beautiful, too bad the beauty that Tommy had once seen with bright curious eyes had dulled until all it was to him was another reminder that he was still suffering. 

He pulled a piece of string out of his inventory to fasten the compass around his neck where it lay right against his heart. If he closed his eyes and imagined really hard he could even feel Tubbo’s arms wrapping around him, warm and reliable. The revery never lasted long sadly. 

“This is it” he said in a hoarse voice to no one in particular. A small instinctual part of him screamed desperately at him to step away from the edge but the little self preservation left in him was snuffed out by the sheer agony of living. With all the voices racing around in his head, yelling different things, muddling his clear determined mind, he barely registered the sound of the portal being used behind him. But it was too late. He took a deep breath and turned around, his eyes closed and he fell back. 

As he fell the heat grew and the momentum of falling brought the compass flying up into his vision. He opened his eyes a crack before widening them in surprise. The compass pointed straight ahead. “Tubbo”, his mind supplied. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind Tubbo was in his arms, falling with him, down into the bright unknown.

He let out a choked sob, squeezing his arms around the older boy in his arms, one hand finding its way to his soft brown hair where he buried it. The steady warmth of Tubbo in his arms was much more comforting that the angry heat of the lava below. Tubbo looked at him in the eyes, the chocolate depths overflowing with sorrow. The sound of their hearts beating in sync drowned out any noise that was around. Tommy looked back at him, his now grey eyes brightening to a bright blue. In the last moments of their descent the heat was becoming unbearable Tommy knew if he wanted to say something, it was now or never.

Tubbo beat him to it, “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner” he croaked out smiling peacefully before burying his head in Tommy’s chest. Tommy managed a “it’s okay” before they were surrounded by an agonizing burning sensation, choking and squeezing the last drops of life out of them. Then everything turned to black, the world fading away in each other’s arms.


	2. Muddled minds and Foggy memories

When the world comes back to Tommy he immediately knows something is wrong. He feels cold, freezing actually but it’s different than the normal feeling of cold. It’s a syrupy cold, settling deep in his bones without provoking shivers. As soon as he looks at his limbs being cold seems entirely illogical.   


He’s melting, the tips of his fingers appeared to be dripping and with the telltale black fade of a terrible burn. He’s terribly confused to why he’s not in excruciating pain. “What the hell is happening?” Tommy said aloud to himself, his voice echoing as if he was talking twice. He pulls himself to his dripping feet, feeling oddly weightless. He looks down at the state he’s in and sees a red, puckered scar in the center of his chest along with another longer, paler scar in his side that he guessed was older than the one on his chest.   


The rags of his clothes barely cover the wounds. Suddenly he feels a wetness rolling down his cheeks and he brings up an annoyed hand to wipe it away. His hand came away with globs of red-hot, molten lava. He was crying magma.   


He was horribly confused, his brain felt foggy and the only thing that seemed to force away the fog for even a moment was the cracked, rusted compass that lay on his chest. He held it up to take a better look at it. It had a brassy casing, slightly dented with faded words on it. The only word that he could still make out was the word “your”. He wanted to know where the compass led but to his complete and utter disappointment, the needle was missing where the glass had been penetrated by an unknown force. He held it up to his magma stained face. It calmed him, soothed his desperate mind that craved answers that couldn’t be uncovered through the layers of fog clouding his faded memories.   


He closed his eyes, the soothing object envelops him with warmth and security. He opens his eyes after what feels like an eternity to a soft buzzing in his ear. His heart skips a beat. There’s bees around. He feels as though he should be scared but the adrenaline that had begun to flow through his melting body was definitely not fear. His tear stained cheeks stretch as he smiled wide, cupping his hands for the bees. A few of the fluffy black and yellow creatures land in his hands and he squeals with excitement. He doesn’t exactly know why they bring him so much joy.   


He whips his to the side to call out to a presence he had thought was there, his friend, “Hey-“ as soon as he’s about to shout the name all of the sharp clarity that had finally washed over him vanished in an instant, the fog rolling back in. The bees fly off. He wonders who he was going to call out too, but no matter how hard he thinks the only thing his brain will supply is a faceless boy with chocolate brown hair and a soft spoken voice. He sees a bench and a jukebox, the muffled toon of “cat” playing in the background as the brunette boy strings unintelligible words.   


He’s frustrated, every time he begins to remember something his brain shuts down, clamping down on the information like it didn’t want him to know. It hurts. Sure his heart aches for the mystery boy but what hurts more is knowing that he should remember. That boy must’ve been very important to him and he can’t remember a thing about him. The guilt tears him apart. With nothing to do in his confusion he decides to wander about. There was a nether portal in the distance and a tent to his right with a sign on it which read, “tnret”. He chuckled, what kind of idiot would misspell tent so badly and not change it? _ Because it made you happy _ , his mind supplies.   


He shakes his head, no time for unfinished thoughts he he couldn’t make sense of. He decides to wander over to the nether portal, gleaming an eerie purple. For some reason he really doesn’t want to go in there, it scares him on a deeper level than he can figure out. Despite the fear crawling in the back of his throat, he steps through the threshold and emerges into the red, fiery realm. Once inside he’s surprised to find a tall man with split colored hair standing by a chest holding a book. He walks up and stands behind the man,

“watcha doin?” He asks in his ghostly drawl. The black and white haired man doesn’t seem to hear him. The only acknowledgment Tommy receives is a shiver and a quick glance around before the man brought his attention back to his book.   


Tommy grumbled, not even Ranboo knew he was there. Wait, Ranboo? Is that who this man is? The moment the name crossed his mind Ranboo whipped around to look at him, “Tommy?! What’re you doing here and why do you look like that?” He asks hurriedly. Tommy grins, he’s not sure exactly what made Ranboo notice him but he’s glad he did. “What do you mean look like that?” He asks. Ranboo gawks at him, “I don’t know, you’re all melty and shit” he says incredulously. Tommy laughs and Ranboo smiles at him.   


Ranboo’s a bright fellow, he’s started to put two and two together that his good friend Tommy was dead. That thought hit him with a wave of sadness, did this mean that the torture of being alone finally get to him? Or was it Dream’s constant manipulation that pushed him over the edge? He wasn’t sure but he’s damn glad that he can at least talk to his undead friend.

“How long have you been, y’know...” Ranboo starts, “Dead?” He finishes cautiously, unaware if the peppy boy in front of him was even aware that he wasn’t alive. Tommy sighs, the magma tears back to his eyes. He wasn’t even particularly upset, the tears, if you could even call them that seemed to come at random, 

“Ranboo, I don’t know. I don’t remember anything” Tommy says solemnly. Ranboo brushes past the sensitive subject and they get lost in conversation, Ranboo telling Tommy aboutthe smp and himself as Tommy only seemed to remember his name. All the way back in lmanburg a very confused brown haired boy was just waking up, a bright scar blossoming from the center of his chest and a similar one to Tommy’s on his side.   


He too was melting, molten tears cascading down his cheeks and an almost identical compass hanging on his neck. His head was foggy, the only clarity he found was a comforting revery of a loud-mouthed, nameless, blonde boy who had an odd obsession over discs. The only desire he found through his clouded, muddled mind was the desire to find this mysterious boy, no matter what it took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the theory that in the smp the canon deaths you have become scars so I really wanted to incorporate that. As we know Tommy and Tubbo were both killed in the final control room so I figured a sword wound in the side would be logical and Tommy’s second death was by dream when they were doing the 10 paces thingy and they fired so I thought a scar in the center of his chest would make sense. Tubbo’s second canon death was by technoblade killing him at the festival with fireworks and a crossbow so I interpreted that as a bunch of scars radiating from the center of his chest. I just really love this head canon so y’all get to read about it :P not going to reveal anything else about the plot though except that however it may seem, it is going to remain completely platonic throughout the whole fic as they have both stated they are uncomfortable with shipping. Anyways, lmk what you think and comments are always appreciated:D

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Lemme know if you want me to add on with ghostinnit and ghostbo. I have a good idea for future chapters but I want to know your opinions. I also have a dnf fanfic in the works so let me know if you’re interested :]


End file.
